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3 Ways To Love Your Husband When He’s Your Pastor

I remember when I told my mom I was going to marry a pastor. The first words out of her mouth were, “He better not move you away from me.” Much to her dismay, her question became a self-fulfilling prophecy, and I found myself living five states over, away from home, at twenty years old.

It didn’t take long for me to learn that living away from family was just one of the many sacrifices that ministry would ask of me. Being the wife of a pastor carries many unique burdens, expectations, and different ways of thinking, but ministry is also a life filled with favor, blessings, opportunities, and meaningful life experiences that wouldn’t come otherwise.

Jesus said, “A prophet is without honor in him hometown.” No doubt, it can be challenging to honor your husband when he’s your pastor (and sometimes boss) and honor your pastor when he’s your husband. Over the course of 14 years in full-time ministry, I have developed a few philosophies that I think are unique to pastors’ wives. These new “norms” for Jason and me have helped our marriage to remain healthy and thriving amidst the idiosyncrasies of life in the ministry.

1. Be his biggest cheerleader

This comes naturally for me because my general disposition is to be an encourager. Ministry is filled with highs and lows, and each high and low carries significant emotional swings. It is so difficult for pastors to not continuously be motivated and consumed with numbers. How many people showed up, how much money was given, how many AMENS were shouted? Numbers can dictate and control in a way that they shouldn’t, and I have found the best way to temper that control is to surround my husband with endless streams of affirmation. No one in the church should affirm my husband’s work ethic more than I do. We have all heard our share of lazy preacher jokes, but over time, I have learned that even when their hands aren’t working, Pastors’ hearts and minds are endlessly occupied. We make a big deal around our house about how hard daddy works and how important his work is, but no matter what is going on at the church, we think daddy is pretty amazing just because of who he is.

I have come to realize that regardless of how profound his message was, how large the offering was, or even how many people showed up, my husband is still the most amazing man in my life, and he needs to be reminded of that frequently so that his worth isn’t dictated by numbers that are constantly fluctuating. Celebrate your man with words!

2. Respect his boundaries

As naturally as encouraging comes to me is how unnatural the second philosophy has been to implement into our marriage. Being a young newly married pastor’s wife, I was eager to share my life with Jason.  It confounded me that he was not as eager to “share” as I was. I thought that living life together meant talking about life together, and it worried me when Jason didn’t tell me everything that happened throughout his day, especially in regards to church and ministry. I just assumed that if a couple was having marital issues and told Jason, I should know about those issues too. I was convinced that his love for me would be matched by his willingness to tell me all of his secrets. Several conversations (and complaints made by me) took place before it finally began to register that his integrity was what kept him silent, not his lack of affection. Not only do I now see it as I a positive that my husband does not share the confidential knowledge that he carries, I no longer ask him to. I’m so appreciative of his willingness to carry other people’s secrets because it allows me to keep an optimistic and innocent view of people in the church.

3. Value his schedule

Early on, it was easy to feel like my husband had a crazy schedule that was never conducive to family time. Bible study Mondays, choir practice Wednesdays, two service Sundays, and here I thought that pastors played golf all the time. A pastor’s schedule requires unique responsibilities. One example of this came a few years ago when I began to realize that my husband really needed to focus on Saturday evenings. I was always asking him to hang out with our friends or take me out on a date, but I finally realized we could date any night of the week, and that he was more likely to want to go out on a Sunday night and take Monday as an off day. I can’t have it both ways. If I get to enjoy the benefits of him being able to take the kids to school, I also have to understand he may be called away or need to be left alone to prepare at different times. Our new norm is that Saturday nights are off limits.

Every marriage, man, and church are different, so you have to learn what is most important to help him feel loved and supported. I’ve only been married to a pastor for 14 years so I know I have so much to learn, but these are the things I try to keep consistent in our home.

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Andrea Isaacs
Andrea serves with her husband Jason Isaacs as the pastors of Hope City Church in Louisville KY. She is a mom to 4 amazing kids. Follow her on instagram
Andrea Isaacs

By Andrea Isaacs

Andrea serves with her husband Jason Isaacs as the pastors of Hope City Church in Louisville KY. She is a mom to 4 amazing kids. Follow her on instagram